Obama's Attempt to Resolve Decades-long Feud Between Coors Light and Bud Light Drinkers Ends in Disappointment--

WASHINGTON-- The 25-year long dispute between fans of Coors Brewing Company and Anheuser Busch ended in stalemate today when President Barack Obama failed to reach an accord between the two beer drinking camps. The talks began to falter almost immediately when the President welcomed the two foes to his White House South Lawn picnic table and offered them to sit down for a beer.

The meeting, now known as the Beer Beer-Summit, started off with a tense confrontation when participant Joe Campbell, a Coors Light drinker, was offered a cold one. Camplbell stated that , while he obviously had his preference, anything would be better than the piss-water his cross-table adversary regularly drank.

Rodney McClain, a Bud Light fan, and Anheuser Busch distributor, angrily stormed out of the talks, complaining, "We cannot come to terms with this type of rhetoric...besides, I wouldn't give that flat drain water to my worst dog!"

President Obama regretted the choice of location and theme of the meeting, remarking that instead they should have just shot baskets all afternoon and talked about hot babes and cars.