Thursday, December 17, 2009

Area Woman Can't Find Email She Had Previously Sent; All Subjects Entitled "Hey Girl!"--

LOUISVILLE, KY-- Attempting to accommodate a request from her sister to re-send the details about their aunt's funeral next Saturday, Missy Gordon tried in vain to hunt down the correct email in her "Sent" mailbox.  Having nothing to differentiate the messages, her search ended with dissapointment.  "There's just so many emails I sent to her in the last week or so, I can't seem to find it.  Oh, here it is...nope that's the one about me losing my job."  the 28-year old Gordon added, "Darn it, she really needed those directions".
   Additional searches conducted through the  "What's up?!" and "Hey Girly!" messages, the only other subject lines listed in her archives, also turned up nothing.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Pictures of NASA's Inter-Departmental Softball Game Were Faked, Says Area Man--

ALEXANDRIA, VA-- Citing irregularities in pictures posted on NASA's official website on the "Who We Are" page, Northern Virginia native Phillip Johnson is calling the event a hoax. "It never happened" he says. A retired high school math teacher and Civil War reenactor, Johnson has been following the space agency for years.

The concern is over pictures taken (allegedly, according to Johnson) at NASA's annual employee picnic where the Exploration Systems division battled the Space Operations division for the Mission Directorate softball championship. "We can't have our government lie to us about what NASA is up to, or what they 
"claim" to be doing....ain't been softball, I'll tell you that. These pictures have been doctored."

Scanning the photos strewn across his kitchen table, Johnson then pulls a few toward him and begins to explain the evidence. "Look at the length of these shadows on the ground, It's the middle of the summer, when the sun is at it's highest...impossible." Johnson continues with excitement in his voice. "You see this lady right here?" pointing to Communications Planning Director Rachel Sampson who (allegedly) is handing out drinks to players, "Her hair is perfect and it's July...she ain't even sweating."

Johnson then sets his sites on another photo, but this time of Deputy Director of the Advanced Capabilities Division, Roger Flay, fielding a pop fly. "There aint no way this is real. Look at his extension, his vertical leap. You mean to tell me this 200lb man in his 60s has that type of agility? If you look closely you can see the wires."

A NASA spokesperson responded by saying that they hold this picnic and softball game every year and that any claims of a cover-up are not to be taken seriously. Johnson, however wrapped up the interview with this observation. "Sound Stage, definitely a sound stage. You got your lighting, industrial fans for the wind, and rigging, lots of rigging."

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Solar Cell Technology Sees the Light

Seems that solar cells aren't just for baking potatoes any longer.   For years there has been an ever increasing promise of capturing energy from the sun in a manner that would rival other power generation methods.

 Solar cell breaks efficiency record

From the article

Boeing-Spectrolab has developed a solar cell that can convert almost 41 percent of the sunlight that strikes it into electricity, the latest step in trying to drop the cost of solar power.

It was big news when 20% efficiency in Solar Cells was announced. 

Traditional Power Generation turbines are about 50% efficient. 

Coal-fueled electrical generating plants top out at about 46%. 

Gasoline automobile engines run @ 25% efficiency.

More from the article
Currently, the best commercial silicon solar cells can convert 22 percent of the sunlight that hits them into electricity, and physics dictates that maximum efficiency for these cells will come at around 26 percent.

Makes me wonder if I can go off the grid anytime soon.

Obama's Attempt to Resolve Decades-long Feud Between Coors Light and Bud Light Drinkers Ends in Disappointment--

WASHINGTON-- The 25-year long dispute between fans of Coors Brewing Company and Anheuser Busch ended in stalemate today when President Barack Obama failed to reach an accord between the two beer drinking camps. The talks began to falter almost immediately when the President welcomed the two foes to his White House South Lawn picnic table and offered them to sit down for a beer.

The meeting, now known as the Beer Beer-Summit, started off with a tense confrontation when participant Joe Campbell, a Coors Light drinker, was offered a cold one. Camplbell stated that , while he obviously had his preference, anything would be better than the piss-water his cross-table adversary regularly drank.

Rodney McClain, a Bud Light fan, and Anheuser Busch distributor, angrily stormed out of the talks, complaining, "We cannot come to terms with this type of rhetoric...besides, I wouldn't give that flat drain water to my worst dog!"

President Obama regretted the choice of location and theme of the meeting, remarking that instead they should have just shot baskets all afternoon and talked about hot babes and cars.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Facebook's CSI Miami Fan Group to Split Over Doctrinal Dispute --

PALO ALTO, CA-- Citing significant differences over how the hit CBS television series should be honored, show follower Marty Ludor left with 115,000 other Facebook members to start the Reformed CSI Miami Fan Page. The exodus of over 20% of the almost half a million fans struck a significant blow to the long established popular social networking fan group.

Ludor claimed that the schism was a result of members being pressured to buy show T-shirts and coffee mugs. It was also common for those critical of show star David Caruso to be permanently banned from the group.

"Nobody blasphemes Horatio Caine" proclaimed group administrator Leo Medici. "Good riddance to Marty. This jerk filled our wall with, like, 95 posts on everything we were doing wrong. This is a fan site, not your own moral sounding board,....heretic."

At the time of this article's release, the newly formed fan group had already split into 30 separate and embattled sects.