Muse demands return of inspiration taken by local psychopath

On Monday, a Cook County judge heard arguments from Schaumburg resident Michelle Brennan who is refusing to take responsibility for the disturbed writings, unnerving lyrics, and bizarre artwork of a local nutjob and is asking that the creative spark that was taken from her by this creepy basket-case be returned as soon as possible.

Brennan, a local actress and model, unwittingly provided encouragement and inspiration to area kook Thomas Franklin through her appearance in a Humane Society ad in the Chicago Sun Times last fall. The ad asked the reader, and was directed personally at him according to Franklin, to “Make a Difference!”

Franklin vowed to follow Brennan’s call to action and felt emboldened to write over 30 songs focused on her and the inspiring example she sets for animal advocacy. Brennan immediately filed suit, fearing that being in some way tied to Franklin’s insane creations might impugn her character, destroy her public persona, and ruin a promising career.

Brennan denied claims that she looked straight into the eyes of Franklin from the half page ad in the Entertainment section and said she had no personal message for him. Franklin countered in his testimony that he and his beautiful muse are connected on a spiritual level and thus the spark she provides is irrevocable.

“We are intimately involved,” Franklin told the court, “. . . like through our brainwaves, man!”

Brennan also denied she whispers words of encouragement in Franklin’s ears while he sleeps and rejected his account that she is mouthing “I am fated to be yours” in each subsequent weekend ad run.

“I was flattered for the first delivery of what would become a total of 18 dozen roses, but then I felt like it was getting out of control,” admitted Brennen, who has since moved back in with her parents John and Eva Brennan of Evanston out of concern for her privacy and safety.

“She puts thoughts in my head and drives me to create!” Franklin interupted more than once.

He also argued that her inspiration is a part of the public domain and is available to anyone. “. . .and for any reason,” he added while giving a knowing nod and a wink to the circuit court bailiff, which drew cringes and looks of disgust from Brennan and the other women in the courtroom.

Franklin was unconvinced by argument, saying that she is merely playing coy and prefers a low profile, allowing him to claim the spotlight.

“She’s just hiding how proud she is for breathing life into the play I wrote entitled The Passion of the Michelle.”

Barring any court injunction, Franklin’s play is due to begin its performance next month in the service alley behind the Harris Theatre on East Randolph Street. It is described on hand-scrawled paper napkins handed to passersby to be about salvation, redemption, and will include a 30-minute crucifixion scene.

Brennan is also asking for the removal of Franklin’s most recently crafted masterpiece currently displayed just behind the treeline in Millennium Park. The piece of “art” was unveiled this weekend to an audience of uninterested park-goers and park security who gave him a citation for not having a permit. Witnesses reported that Franklin revealed an 18 ft chicken wire and Play-Doh sculpture of Michelle Brennan holding both a Cocker Spaniel and a miniature version of himself in her lap; all encircled by a ring of a 3ft tall dancing anthropomorphized dog bone chewie toys.

“If that’s not malicious libel, I don’t know what is,” Brennan’s lawyer said. “I beg the court to end the defamation of this young lady’s reputation.”

Franklin ended his version of events with an appeal to the court’s sense of appreciation for artistic inspiration.

“She has given me the freedom and motivation to accomplish anything I want,” he said.

Anything, that is, except stand within a 500 foot proximity of Ms Brennan according to the restraining order then issued by the court.

http://www.thechicagodope.com/2010/08/27/muse-demands-return-of-inspiration-taken-by-local-psychopath/

Misanthrope Mistaken for Misogynist

CHICAGO -- It's a mistake we all make every now and then; the vicious berating of a female co-worker, the insensitive demeaning of your child’s fourth-grade teacher, or the vile expletives directed at a random woman in a Safeway parking lot, all of which might be taken personally.

For David Whittle, a similar circumstance almost got him into hot water at work.

Having upset three female co-workers by scoffing at their contributions in Tuesday's budget meeting, Whittle, a deputy finance director and rather distasteful human being, was mistakenly labeled as merely a woman-hater by the female members of the South Pacific Coffee Company's marketing department.

Whittle, often labeled as a sexist by the women who know him, created a flurry of outrage within the brand management team at the Chicago-based coffee distribution company. Comprised of all women, the entire marketing department was shocked by Whittle's recent comments about their apparent lack of critical thinking skills.

While attempting to get them to "think straight about their budgets", he was reported to have accused the team of having their "pretty blonde hair pulled back so tight, it cut off circulation to their chemically bleached brains."

Cynthia Reynolds, one of the targets of the verbal assault, immediately set up a meeting with Human Resources to file a complaint on behalf of the other women in the group.  To her surprise, it turns out that Whittle in fact despises most everybody and does not limit his hate-filled bile to just women.

Upon learning of her mistaken attribution of chauvinism, Reynolds was embarrassed and apologetic.

"Oh dear, I had no idea," she said red-faced. "I almost made a big mistake, didn't I?"

According to Howard Regan, the company's HR manager, there was no need to be alarmed about Whittle's apparent focused rage and hatred.

"He can be a real jackass to most everyone who knows him," Regan said, "but he's relatively harmless, spreading around his prejudiced hostility equally".

Regan recounted a similar misunderstanding last week when Whittle apparently went off on Trevor from accounting for leaving the spoon drawer open in the break room, letting loose a barrage of ethnic slurs not heard since the Chicago Race Riots of 1919.

"I was able to calm Trevor down and point out that David's just a big prick to pretty much everyone," Regan said. "Good thing he's not just a bigot, or we'd have a racial harassment lawsuit on our hands."

Despite Whittle's constant personal attacks on his associates and their distinguishing characteristics, the employees of South Pacific Coffee Company were relieved to know that there was no evidence of sexual, religious, and racial harassment in the workplace.

Their traumatic experiences with Whittle have been written off as nothing more than him just being a truly awful human being, completely indiscriminate in his verbal assaults, and not specifically a violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964